Turn out the lights.....the party's over!

So Jeff and I have made it official that we are done having children as of today.

And it's a very bittersweet closing on a chapter in our lives.

But also a very necessary one.

Don't get me wrong, even if we "could" continue having children, which, yes, technically we could, but we all know that it is not medically advised, but if we were able to have children safely, we probably would still be finished having children. Two was always our magic number, regardless of what we had. Two is a great number. You are always busy, but not to the point of total madness, you have two hands to hold two little hands, two parents to man the children when things get chaotic, etc.

But I guess what's so hard is that it is all very final and done. It's just another part of my life that is "done." There's no more quick trips to the pharmacy to pick up a test or that total excitement when the test comes up positive. There's no more baby registries or dreaming of nurseries or thinking up baby names.

Remember when you were in junior high and high school and you would sit at your best friend's house and talk about baby names and who you wanted to marry when you grew up and what you wanted to be? All that has happened for me and now that part is over. It's just really sad, like saying goodbye to an old friend that will never return.

But in another way, it is very liberating. Now we can focus on raising our sons, looking forward to all the fun things we will do as a family: vacations to snow ski, the boys playing Little League Baseball, their first day of school, their first dance, their first girlfriend, etc.

One chapter of my life has ended while another is just beginning, and that part is exciting!! But sometimes you wish you could just savor that last part of the book a little longer. But unfortunately, in life, unlike a book, we can't turn back the pages....we just have to keep moving along to find out what happens next.

Three months old!!

I've been away from work for four months now and Samuel is a little over three months old!! Jay will be three years old on the 15th of this month!! Man, how the time flies!!

Samuel is doing great, sleeping through the night since he was seven weeks and starting to teethe already!! Jay is as smart as ever. He can play the C scale on the Piano, knows that an Octagon has 8 sides and can say the Lord's Prayer in Spanish!! Such a smart guy!!

I'm going back to work at the end of next week. I'm ready. Stay at home moms are very brave individuals and I cannot stand people who tisk tisk at them because I can assure you that staying at home is a much harder job than anything I've ever done. I, personally, am a much better mother because I go to work. So, to all you stay at home mommies, BRAVO and KUDOS!! You deserve it!!

I'm feeling good about getting back to work because for the past three years, since I gave birth to Jay, all I worried about was making my family complete and wondering what had happened to make Jay so sick. Then once we knew what had happened, all I worried about was rather or not we would get pregnant again. Then once I got pregnant, all I did was worry about whether or not the baby would make it through the pregnancy. Now I feel like I don't have to worry anymore, I can finally just focus on enjoying my family and enjoying being a teacher again.

This school year will be tough, as far as leaving the boys, whom I've grown so attached to and enjoyed watching them grow and develop, and also, some of the students heading into my classroom are tough and will be hard to teach because of different issues, but it will be rewarding, as all teachers know. Teaching is so rewarding. Being a mom is so rewarding.

I have the best life ever. I really, really do.

And honestly, not having to worry every day of my life like I have in the past, that is just so nice. That sick feeling in the pit of my stomach is gone. Finally.