Have you ever had something occur in your life that struck you so hard, you felt like you would never be able to move on from it? Like the event or the memory is just so strong, you can't let it go? I think everyone has times like this in their life, and at some point, you just have to move on. But moving on can be so extremely difficult, sometimes even painful, and even more so, you wonder what you'll do once you let it go!!
There will always be parts of me that want to overthink, overanalyze or worry, whether it is over finances, my relationships, my career, my kids........
......but what good has worrying or perseverating about something ever done for anyone? I find that by letting go of negative energy and thoughts, I am weighed down so much less. Who cares what people think, really? As judgement from others is simply a part of life that none of us can truly escape, therefore worrying about what others think of you or your family is really just silly. Worrying if I am good at my job is just stupid because the overwhelmingly obvious answer is YES, I am great at my job!! My relationships, I have learned over the years, are something that I always have to work at, whether it be to make them stronger, or place boundaries for those that tend to overstep. It's like managing a garden. You have to give some plants more love and care, and others, you need to cut back or they will grow wildly and become very annoying. And as far as my kids, well, kids are kids. I've learned that while they reflect on me, they are not extensions of me. They are their own person. My greatest job for them is to be there to help them grow and mature, aiding them and guiding them when they come to bumps in the road, helping them get over hurdles in life when their personalities or faults are hindering them. They will ultimately be who they are, and I am always excited to remember that not that long ago, the thought of even having more than one child was merely a pipedream.
I guess for my New Year's Resolution, I am all about Moving On. I'm tired of worrying and weighing my brain down with the demands and opinions of others, and even the demands and opinions I hold myself. It's all about freeing yourself up, giving yourself a better outlook and realizing that your truth, your joy and your happiness are YOURS and that you shouldn't hold on to things that are negative that take away from your truth, joy or happiness.
Be Blessed!!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Before the Morning
I listen to KSBJ, our local Christian radio station every day on the way to work and on the way home. It's amazing how I will turn it on and hear a message through the different songs that are played or from the radio show hosts. This morning, this song came on the radio and I was completely blown away, as I am by many of their songs.
This song is by Josh Wilson and is called Before the Morning. I'm going to attach the video from youtube as well and the lyrics so you can read them and feel the message that is being sent.
We all bare so many of our own personal crosses in this life. While some people may appear to have it all going for them and it seems that life just always works out for them, we can't see the pain and suffering they have been or are going through, and we certainly can't predict their pain to come. But we all go through something tough at one time or another. I think what separates the victims from the victors are those who have God in their lives. Those who know that the Lord, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit have their arms wrapped around us and help us through those trials and tribulations. We don't know why we have to go through them, but perhaps it IS indeed to find the light on the other side of that darkness.
The Lord has really worked through some of my close friends and touched me so much recently. I hope that I can continue to grow in my spiritual journey with Him and touch others as well. In His love I fell rejuvinated and whole and I know that no matter what darkness may befall me, my friends or my family. He will continue to see me through it as He has always done. Blessings to all my friends!!
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now
Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see
Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer
And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
And here is the story behind the song.......BELIEVE!!!!
Josh Wilson’s new single is called “Before The Morning”. It’s a really special song! Here’s what it’s all about…
“Before the Morning” is a song about hope. It’s inspired by my dear friends, Tim and Paula Beal. 5 months into their pregnancy, Tim and Paula went to the doctor to find out if their baby was a boy or a girl. The doctor told them he was a boy, and then he went on to tell them that there were only 2 valves in his heart (instead of 4), and his kidneys and lungs were not functioning. He said that their only option was abortion. Because of the depth of his complications, no doctor would touch Jayken because he could never survive the dialysis machine during heart surgery. The Beals were also told that due to the extent of the problems, they would soon be digging their way into a financial pit that would ruin their marriage.
Tim and Paula went home and prayed. They fasted. They asked everyone they knew to pray and fast with them. They knew they needed to trust in the Lord, because he was the One that “knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13).
On January 11th, 2002, Jayken was born. The doctors said he had a 2% chance of living longer than four days. By the grace of God, Jayken is now seven years old. After three heart surgeries, many sleepless nights, and countless financial struggles, the Beals are still believing a day at a time in a Savior who won’t let them go. They are learning what it means to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).
Tim told me that “the odds have never been in Jayken’s favor, but God is so faithful.” The Beals are living proof that no matter what our circumstances are, God can work anything out for our good and His glory.
This album is entitled “Life Is Not A Snapshot.” If you took a snapshot of a particular moment in the Beal’s life, it might look like there isn’t a lot of hope for them. But sickness and struggles are not the end of the story for those who know Jesus. We believe in a God who saves. We believe in a God who heals. At the end of every email I receive from Tim, he writes “fighting the fight until I see His face.”
We believe in the Bigger Picture.
No matter what you may be struggling with, know that “the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18). Our pain and struggles are very real, but they are only the dark before the morning.
This song is for Jayken David. His name means “Victory through grace for God’s beloved.”
This song is by Josh Wilson and is called Before the Morning. I'm going to attach the video from youtube as well and the lyrics so you can read them and feel the message that is being sent.
We all bare so many of our own personal crosses in this life. While some people may appear to have it all going for them and it seems that life just always works out for them, we can't see the pain and suffering they have been or are going through, and we certainly can't predict their pain to come. But we all go through something tough at one time or another. I think what separates the victims from the victors are those who have God in their lives. Those who know that the Lord, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit have their arms wrapped around us and help us through those trials and tribulations. We don't know why we have to go through them, but perhaps it IS indeed to find the light on the other side of that darkness.
The Lord has really worked through some of my close friends and touched me so much recently. I hope that I can continue to grow in my spiritual journey with Him and touch others as well. In His love I fell rejuvinated and whole and I know that no matter what darkness may befall me, my friends or my family. He will continue to see me through it as He has always done. Blessings to all my friends!!
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now
Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see
Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer
And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
And here is the story behind the song.......BELIEVE!!!!
Josh Wilson’s new single is called “Before The Morning”. It’s a really special song! Here’s what it’s all about…
“Before the Morning” is a song about hope. It’s inspired by my dear friends, Tim and Paula Beal. 5 months into their pregnancy, Tim and Paula went to the doctor to find out if their baby was a boy or a girl. The doctor told them he was a boy, and then he went on to tell them that there were only 2 valves in his heart (instead of 4), and his kidneys and lungs were not functioning. He said that their only option was abortion. Because of the depth of his complications, no doctor would touch Jayken because he could never survive the dialysis machine during heart surgery. The Beals were also told that due to the extent of the problems, they would soon be digging their way into a financial pit that would ruin their marriage.
Tim and Paula went home and prayed. They fasted. They asked everyone they knew to pray and fast with them. They knew they needed to trust in the Lord, because he was the One that “knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13).
On January 11th, 2002, Jayken was born. The doctors said he had a 2% chance of living longer than four days. By the grace of God, Jayken is now seven years old. After three heart surgeries, many sleepless nights, and countless financial struggles, the Beals are still believing a day at a time in a Savior who won’t let them go. They are learning what it means to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).
Tim told me that “the odds have never been in Jayken’s favor, but God is so faithful.” The Beals are living proof that no matter what our circumstances are, God can work anything out for our good and His glory.
This album is entitled “Life Is Not A Snapshot.” If you took a snapshot of a particular moment in the Beal’s life, it might look like there isn’t a lot of hope for them. But sickness and struggles are not the end of the story for those who know Jesus. We believe in a God who saves. We believe in a God who heals. At the end of every email I receive from Tim, he writes “fighting the fight until I see His face.”
We believe in the Bigger Picture.
No matter what you may be struggling with, know that “the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18). Our pain and struggles are very real, but they are only the dark before the morning.
This song is for Jayken David. His name means “Victory through grace for God’s beloved.”
Monday, August 15, 2011
Wonder
The song "Wonder" by Natalie Merchant really struck me after becoming the mother of two NAIT babies. Doctors wondered what was wrong with Jay to have caused him so many problems. Medically, scientifically speaking, he should not be alive today, nor should he be whole. In honor of my son's fourth birthday and the fact that his struggles allowed his brother, Samuel, to fight his way into this world, I give you the song, Wonder. Attached is the link to the video where Natalie explains the origin of the song, and as she says, many mothers and other people have taken this song on as their own, because it means something to me. This song means very much to me, and as I am sure, other NAIT mothers.....those who weren't so blessed to have their babies survive and those who are living with the affects that NAIT has left upon them. Happy 4th Birthday, my sweet Jay. Without you, we wouldn't be who we are today as a family.
"Wonder"
Doctors have come from distant cities
Just to see me
Stand over my bed
Disbelieving what they're seeing
They say I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as they can see they can offer
No explanation
Newspapers ask intimate questions
Want confessions
They reach into my head
To steal the glory of my story
They say I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as they can see they can offer
No explanation
O, I believe
Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way
People see me
I'm a challenge to your balance
I'm over your heads
How I confound you and astound you
To know I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as you can see you can offer me
No explanation
O, I believe
Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as she came to my mother
Know this child will not suffer
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way
"Wonder"
Doctors have come from distant cities
Just to see me
Stand over my bed
Disbelieving what they're seeing
They say I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as they can see they can offer
No explanation
Newspapers ask intimate questions
Want confessions
They reach into my head
To steal the glory of my story
They say I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as they can see they can offer
No explanation
O, I believe
Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way
People see me
I'm a challenge to your balance
I'm over your heads
How I confound you and astound you
To know I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as you can see you can offer me
No explanation
O, I believe
Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as she came to my mother
Know this child will not suffer
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way
Monday, July 25, 2011
The Perfect Lemonade Recipe
I had an epiphany this morning at 4 am when my husband and I were awoken by our dogs barking. I have no clue what made me make this connection, but I felt compelled to share it with my readers and I would have done so at 4 am, except, frankly, that's absurd.
I was thinking about my whole saying, "When God gives you lemons, make lemonade," but what about when the lemons you get aren't perfect? When you think of making homemade lemonade, you picture beautiful, yellow lemons full of juice, perfect for a hot, summer day. But what if your lemons are small, bruised, not very juicy and a little hard? What do you do then?
No matter what, in our life, we can't always have perfect lemons for our lemonade. At the times that our lemons are perfect, it takes very little effort to make good lemonade. We take those lemons for granted. We don't think about the time in making the lemonade, because our ingredients made it so easy. We don't have to add much sugar or water or mix it for very long, because the lemons were awesome.
But with less than perfect lemons, it's harder to get perfect lemonade. You have to really squeeze the lemons to get out all of their juicy potential, then you have to add a lot of sugary love to your lemon juice. Next you have to pour in a lot of water, which represents your time, and you really have to stir it up, which represents your energy and patience. You may feel extremely exhausted when you are finished making the lemonade from your less than perfect lemons, but when you taste it, you realize that all of your love, time, patience and energy were worth it, because it's the best lemonade you ever made. You also realize it was never about the lemons or the end product, it was about the journey and the process of making it that you remember, and that is what really helps you appreciate just how perfect your imperfect lemons really were. You just didn't see it at the time.
My epiphany made me realize that to some, my lemons may have always seemed perfect, but they never really were. I just had to work extra hard with them. I've had to realize that, too. Nothing is ever truly perfect. A lot of times, we just have to keep working with what we have and we have to roll with it. Hope this helps you, too.
I was thinking about my whole saying, "When God gives you lemons, make lemonade," but what about when the lemons you get aren't perfect? When you think of making homemade lemonade, you picture beautiful, yellow lemons full of juice, perfect for a hot, summer day. But what if your lemons are small, bruised, not very juicy and a little hard? What do you do then?
No matter what, in our life, we can't always have perfect lemons for our lemonade. At the times that our lemons are perfect, it takes very little effort to make good lemonade. We take those lemons for granted. We don't think about the time in making the lemonade, because our ingredients made it so easy. We don't have to add much sugar or water or mix it for very long, because the lemons were awesome.
But with less than perfect lemons, it's harder to get perfect lemonade. You have to really squeeze the lemons to get out all of their juicy potential, then you have to add a lot of sugary love to your lemon juice. Next you have to pour in a lot of water, which represents your time, and you really have to stir it up, which represents your energy and patience. You may feel extremely exhausted when you are finished making the lemonade from your less than perfect lemons, but when you taste it, you realize that all of your love, time, patience and energy were worth it, because it's the best lemonade you ever made. You also realize it was never about the lemons or the end product, it was about the journey and the process of making it that you remember, and that is what really helps you appreciate just how perfect your imperfect lemons really were. You just didn't see it at the time.
My epiphany made me realize that to some, my lemons may have always seemed perfect, but they never really were. I just had to work extra hard with them. I've had to realize that, too. Nothing is ever truly perfect. A lot of times, we just have to keep working with what we have and we have to roll with it. Hope this helps you, too.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Happy Mother's Day!
I sometimes sit and wonder how exactly I was blessed to have the two healthy children I have. Before I had kids, I just expected that having children would be easy for me. From what I could tell, you got married, tried, got pregnant and nine months later, had a healthy baby. My biggest fear before having children was, "What if I can't get pregnant?" Then, when I saw those two pink lines on the stick, the new fears entered, "What if I have a miscarriage?" After those weeks ticked by, another fear, "What if they see something is wrong with my baby?" When those tests all came back normal, I felt like I could just cruise through the rest of my pregnancy. The only fears I really had were, "What if I have to have a c-section?" and "What if I can't breastfeed?" The thought of, "What if my baby dies?" never entered my mind.
Well, for the record, I didn't breastfeed either one of my children for more than a couple of weeks and secondly, I had a c-section with both of them. And both of their lives hung precariously in the balance; with Jay, I was clueless, and with Samuel, I was acutely aware.
On the eve of Mother's Day, I remember all the mothers, some who are personal friends of mine, whose babies were taken too soon. These women are some of the strongest and most loving, nurturing people I've ever known. Their role as a mother is far tougher than mine, for they are mothers to angels. Even though I have much joy and love in my heart for the babies that I was blessed to carry and am blessed to love each day, my heart is also heavy for my friends that have lost their precious ones. So to all of my mommy friends who love their babies up in Heaven, I love you all and I send many hugs and blessings to you on your special day and I know that your little angels are so glad that God made you their mommy. Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers out there!! Hug your little ones extra hard today!!
Well, for the record, I didn't breastfeed either one of my children for more than a couple of weeks and secondly, I had a c-section with both of them. And both of their lives hung precariously in the balance; with Jay, I was clueless, and with Samuel, I was acutely aware.
On the eve of Mother's Day, I remember all the mothers, some who are personal friends of mine, whose babies were taken too soon. These women are some of the strongest and most loving, nurturing people I've ever known. Their role as a mother is far tougher than mine, for they are mothers to angels. Even though I have much joy and love in my heart for the babies that I was blessed to carry and am blessed to love each day, my heart is also heavy for my friends that have lost their precious ones. So to all of my mommy friends who love their babies up in Heaven, I love you all and I send many hugs and blessings to you on your special day and I know that your little angels are so glad that God made you their mommy. Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers out there!! Hug your little ones extra hard today!!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Happy Birthday to Samuel!!
Samuel just turned one last Saturday, April 23rd!! He also had his Baptism on Easter Sunday. We decided to do a tri-fecta: First Birthday, Easter and Holy Baptism all rolled into one!! Samuel didn't really care to hang out at his birthday party!! He slept pretty much the whole time!! He's a busy guy - trying to figure out how to walk. He likes to just cruise, but he can stand up by himself!! No steps forward, yet, though. He's a scaredy cat like Jay was!!
I can't believe an entire year has gone by. It made me think - you never know what a year will bring, but then again, you never know what a day could bring.
Recently, a fellow classmate was killed in Afghanistan. He was only 35. I was cuddling with Jay and saying prayers and just smelling his sweet little boy smell, I started thinking, "If God told me I only had 32 more years with you, what would I do?"
I find that my struggles as a mother are that I feel like I don't have enough time or enough patience to just enjoy my kids and enjoy the moments that are so sweet. I can hardly remember everything that happened this past year because I was so busy, taking care of Samuel, teaching and doing course work for school.
This year, I'm making a new resolution: I'm going to stop and enjoy my kids and enjoy those quiet moments. When Samuel celebrates his second birthday, I want to know that I really cherished those days and weeks with both him and Jay. I vow to take more pictures, capture more cute Samuel-isms and Jay-isms on video, because these sweet days are just passing us by!! Jay will be starting pre-school in the Fall and then will be in Kindergarten!! Where did my sweet, chunky baby go?
I think it's natural that we wish our lives away: only this many days till Christmas, this many days till Spring Break, this many days till Summer. I'm going to try not wish my life away......
I can't believe an entire year has gone by. It made me think - you never know what a year will bring, but then again, you never know what a day could bring.
Recently, a fellow classmate was killed in Afghanistan. He was only 35. I was cuddling with Jay and saying prayers and just smelling his sweet little boy smell, I started thinking, "If God told me I only had 32 more years with you, what would I do?"
I find that my struggles as a mother are that I feel like I don't have enough time or enough patience to just enjoy my kids and enjoy the moments that are so sweet. I can hardly remember everything that happened this past year because I was so busy, taking care of Samuel, teaching and doing course work for school.
This year, I'm making a new resolution: I'm going to stop and enjoy my kids and enjoy those quiet moments. When Samuel celebrates his second birthday, I want to know that I really cherished those days and weeks with both him and Jay. I vow to take more pictures, capture more cute Samuel-isms and Jay-isms on video, because these sweet days are just passing us by!! Jay will be starting pre-school in the Fall and then will be in Kindergarten!! Where did my sweet, chunky baby go?
I think it's natural that we wish our lives away: only this many days till Christmas, this many days till Spring Break, this many days till Summer. I'm going to try not wish my life away......
Friday, February 4, 2011
NAIT - Neonatal Alloimmune Thrombocytopenia
The video that I have worked on since I found out I was pregnant with Samuel, and yes, he is in there, too!! Please watch this, post it on your Facebook, your Twitter, WHATEVER!! Please help us spread the word!! WE MUST STOP NAIT!!!!!
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