Happy Mother's Day!

I sometimes sit and wonder how exactly I was blessed to have the two healthy children I have. Before I had kids, I just expected that having children would be easy for me. From what I could tell, you got married, tried, got pregnant and nine months later, had a healthy baby. My biggest fear before having children was, "What if I can't get pregnant?" Then, when I saw those two pink lines on the stick, the new fears entered, "What if I have a miscarriage?" After those weeks ticked by, another fear, "What if they see something is wrong with my baby?" When those tests all came back normal, I felt like I could just cruise through the rest of my pregnancy. The only fears I really had were, "What if I have to have a c-section?" and "What if I can't breastfeed?" The thought of, "What if my baby dies?" never entered my mind.

Well, for the record, I didn't breastfeed either one of my children for more than a couple of weeks and secondly, I had a c-section with both of them. And both of their lives hung precariously in the balance; with Jay, I was clueless, and with Samuel, I was acutely aware.

On the eve of Mother's Day, I remember all the mothers, some who are personal friends of mine, whose babies were taken too soon. These women are some of the strongest and most loving, nurturing people I've ever known. Their role as a mother is far tougher than mine, for they are mothers to angels. Even though I have much joy and love in my heart for the babies that I was blessed to carry and am blessed to love each day, my heart is also heavy for my friends that have lost their precious ones. So to all of my mommy friends who love their babies up in Heaven, I love you all and I send many hugs and blessings to you on your special day and I know that your little angels are so glad that God made you their mommy. Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers out there!! Hug your little ones extra hard today!!

Happy Birthday to Samuel!!

Samuel just turned one last Saturday, April 23rd!! He also had his Baptism on Easter Sunday. We decided to do a tri-fecta: First Birthday, Easter and Holy Baptism all rolled into one!! Samuel didn't really care to hang out at his birthday party!! He slept pretty much the whole time!! He's a busy guy - trying to figure out how to walk. He likes to just cruise, but he can stand up by himself!! No steps forward, yet, though. He's a scaredy cat like Jay was!!

I can't believe an entire year has gone by. It made me think - you never know what a year will bring, but then again, you never know what a day could bring.

Recently, a fellow classmate was killed in Afghanistan. He was only 35. I was cuddling with Jay and saying prayers and just smelling his sweet little boy smell, I started thinking, "If God told me I only had 32 more years with you, what would I do?"

I find that my struggles as a mother are that I feel like I don't have enough time or enough patience to just enjoy my kids and enjoy the moments that are so sweet. I can hardly remember everything that happened this past year because I was so busy, taking care of Samuel, teaching and doing course work for school.

This year, I'm making a new resolution: I'm going to stop and enjoy my kids and enjoy those quiet moments. When Samuel celebrates his second birthday, I want to know that I really cherished those days and weeks with both him and Jay. I vow to take more pictures, capture more cute Samuel-isms and Jay-isms on video, because these sweet days are just passing us by!! Jay will be starting pre-school in the Fall and then will be in Kindergarten!! Where did my sweet, chunky baby go?

I think it's natural that we wish our lives away: only this many days till Christmas, this many days till Spring Break, this many days till Summer. I'm going to try not wish my life away......