How do you do it?

Before I start my blog for the week, I just wanted to say thank for the comments y'all leave me!! I don't comment back, but I do read them and I do appreciate them!! And thanks for the continued love, support and prayers!! They are always welcome and greatly appreciated!!

Jeff donated blood this evening at my school's blood drive. He was so nervous and anxious. His stomach was in knots and he was so freaked out!! Afterwards, he told me that he felt so good mentally knowing he just saved three lives, but he felt like such a weiney because it hurt and he felt out of it. He said, "Gosh babe!! How do you do this?! You get these needles twice a week, getting all that stuff pumped in you and you walk around with a needle in your arm for five or six hours! I could never do that!"

Yes you could. All of you reading this blog could do it. I'm not any stronger or any braver than any other mother or father. It's simply a question of what would you do for your child? Would you take a bullet? Would you walk on glass? Would you have needles shoved up your arm and endure all the nastiness if it kept your baby safe and free from pain? Yes!! You would!!

How do I do it? Everytime Becca, my nurse, shoves the needle in, I just think to myself that I can handle the stinging and burning for a few minutes if it means Samuel can live. I can handle laying on the couch getting the medicine while I watch my shows that I DVR every week.

Honestly, anybody can do it!! Look at your kids!! What would you NOT do for them!! Hell, all of us have been puked on, peed on and pooped on!! Blood products can't be that much worse! I will take an IV over spit up in my mouth any day!!! Haha!!!

33 weeks tomorrow!! Treatment #24 tomorrow!! Only eight more after that!!

The only thing I'm really dreading is when I have to go donate my platelets before delivery. Those are big needles and my veins are horrible now!! But again........what wouldn't I do?!

Is it really going to work? Am I doing everything right?

I'm 31 weeks pregnant. Only six more weeks to go!! I think at this point, I just keep asking myself if this is all going to work out? I wonder what April will bring. Will Samuel be okay? Will he survive? Will I?

It's not that I'm trying to be pessimistic, it's just so hard to let go and not let my mind get the best of me. I start going through the scenarios of women who lost subsequent NAIT pregnancies in the last trimester, and I start wondering if the same thing will happen to me. It's horrible to think about all of that, but difficult to not think about it.

On a brighter note, I am nesting very hard these days!! Spring cleaning has started!! I'm having diaper showers at school and one that my friends are hosting!! I'm very excited! Cleaning and preparing gives me something to focus on instead of worrying about Samuel's counts. This really isn't easy. It's only getting harder for me.

30 Weeks and Counting....So How Does It Feel?

So, the last trimester. Most mothers-to-be feel a sense of relief that the end is near. They feel pretty sure that everything is going to be fine. How does it feel when you have an NAIT baby? Terrifying. I wish I could feel the way most mothers do, but I can't. Every morning, I wake up and feel for Samuel and wait for him to kick me so that I know he's alive and okay. Every movement, every flutter, I am reassured.

I start Prednisone in two more weeks. Yet another way to try to suppress my immune system. It's so weird. I want nothing more than my baby to be healthy and whole, yet my body views him as an enemy and is trying to hurt him. To kill him. It's just so stupidly unfair that your body can do something so terrible!!

Don't get me wrong though. I know that I am so blessed and so lucky to be able to have modern medicine to be able to even experience having another child. I know that even when things feel terrible, life could always be worse. So I DO count my blessings.

I think what really sucks is how alone you feel when you have a condition that is so rare. If I didn't have my girls on the support board at Yahoo, I don't think I wouldve had the courage to pursue another baby. But in day to day life, it is very lonesome. Nobody really understands any if it, and how could they?

I had the experience of meeting another mother in real life who is also in her second NAIT pregnancy. She's being treated by Dr. Moise as well!! It was very refreshing to meet someone who knows exactly what you're going through. Our doctor says this is one of the most devastating diseases. It's nice to know I'm not the only one walking around under that kind of stress.

But it does suck. And the seven weeks until delivery seem interminable and I pray that we make it that much longer.....that my luck doesn't run out. Every day is a test of my faith and every day the Lord keeps us safe. So for all you mommies out there, hug your babies tight. Know that your kids are such blessings and such miracles. Never take them for granted. I look at my Jay and know that things couldve been very different and I pray that Samuel can continue to fight and stay strong. Love your babies. They are so, so precious.