Helicopter Parent...Are You One?

This evening, someone shared a recent article about colleges claiming that helicopter parenting has gotten very out of hand for some college students and their families and they have a new title for these matured "helicopter parents." They are now called "Snow Plow Parents!" The article discussed the issues that students and their parents face when these kids head off to college. Parents have been known to call professors to dispute grades, RA's to resolve roommate issues, even going so far as to installing tracking devices unbeknownst to their children to see where they are going and what they are doing at all hours. It sounds insane, because it is!! Not too long ago, though, these now so-called Snow Plow parents were the typical Helicopter parent that many of us know, or, even though we are loathe to admit, may be ourselves. It's no secret that the generations that are coming up are very different from generations before them, as technology and availability of resources have abounded. But this article hit me on two levels. First off, as a parent and secondly, as an educator. I am a teacher myself. I am also a graduate student working on my Master's Degree in Counseling. I originally stated an opinion on my personal social media page, but decided I wanted to delve a little deeper. Am I a Helicopter Parent? Are you? And if we are, what can we do to stop it? How can we make sure that we are raising our children to stand on their own two feet? Let's look at some key areas where parents are likely to freak out and how to handle it appropriately, I will focus a large amount on school. Public schools or private schools, it seems that educators are constantly under fire from society. There seem to be constant things to monitor with our children from the lunches they eat, the test they take, the friends they play with or don't play with, their grades, their development, etc. So what do you do when they have a missing assignment? What do you do when they get in trouble? A lot? What about when they aren't chosen for the school play or the talent show? What about when they don't make the team or the elite squad? What is really advocating for your child and what is being an over the top, not preparing your child for reality, helicopter parent about to inherit plowing equipment? Let's see. Case #1: Your child gets a conduct mark. It is OKAY to find out from the teacher exactly what went down IF your child cannot tell you what they did wrong. This is pretty typical in younger kids. If it seems to be a wild accusation or the mark came completely out of the blue, it is definitely alright for you to check in with the teacher to see what happened and how you can help. Notice, how you can help. Not how you can get that little blemish erased from your baby's conduct record. Look. Every kid, I don't care how perfect and wonderful you THINK they are, they can each have a bad day. Maybe the teacher caught them in a lie, and maybe your baby didn't mean for it to be a lie, but the kid lied. So take it. Let your kid take it. Your kid may be sad and cry. Hey, give a consequence at home to really make it meaningful. But don't tell the teacher, 'My baby would never!' Um, yes, your baby would and your baby did, so deal with it. This sends a great message to your child. It tells your child that you understand what happened, you understand your child made a mistake and that both you and your child's teacher are on the same page of helping your child learn a lesson so that your child doesn't do that again. Case #2: Your child is always in trouble. Come on. You know your kid. Instead of attacking the teacher and accusing that the teacher is taking it all out on your baby, problem solve! Are there different places your baby can sit? Does he need to be moved to a different group? If he or she is easily distracted, are there manipulatives or things your child can play with to keep him or herself from distracting others yet still able to stay on task. Trust me. Your teacher doesn't want your kid to be in trouble all the time. But I'd be lying if I said that an overly attacking or accusing parent doesn't change our attitude. Case #3: You looked up grades and GASP!! Your baby has a missing assignment or a ZERO!! First, talk to your child. Think about attendance. Was your child out recently for a doctor's appointment or an illness? Chances are, your child has the assignment rotting away in their backpack. Don't just assume that it's in the daily folder. Kids never put things where they are supposed to be. If your child is clueless, email the teacher or make a phone call. Give the teacher 24 hours to respond. It could simply be the assignment has only been taught to one group but the assignment is in all the gradebooks because honestly, it's easier to create assignments for all classes and fill in as they are taught. If the teacher doesn't get back to you, phone and schedule a conference. Then find out what happened. If your child has a zero, find out what they can do to get it done. If your child is older, like fourth grade up, your child should be included on the conference. The responsibility is ultimately your child's. It is not yours. If your child still does not get it completed, then they have to live with that grade and whatever consequences come of that choice. I would rather my kid sit out on the big game than have his lights turned off or his car repossessed. Just saying. Case #4: Your child failed a TEST!! (Or they got a B, and to you, this is a failure.) As kids get older, they become more attuned to grades, especially if they are very type A and always used to being perfect. Your kid may be super bummed they got a B. They may even cry. Find out what was on the test from your kid. Was it over a certain lesson? A culmination of various topics? Chances are, your kiddo just missed a couple of questions and that's it. Or it could honestly be that your child just did not know the material for whatever reason. In all my time in schools, I was never tested on something I had never been taught at some point in my life. For example, main idea. Main idea is taught a bazillion times in a bazillion ways between the ages of Kindergarten and Senior Year. Main idea is main idea is main idea. If your kid struggled with it before, they may still be struggling with it. Don't assume the teacher is wretched and horrid. Again, schedule a conference if your child is truly upset, and include the child. Sit down with the teacher and find out what happened. If your kiddo doesn't understand the material, find out if the teacher can tutor or if there are things you can do at home to reinforce the skill. This teaches your child SO much!! First, you did listen and you wanted to help, but by including your child, you are modeling the skills your child needs to approach his or her superior when they don't know what happened or how they messed up, whether it was a test or a paper. And you also teach them to accept failure. And that the world will still turn even if they got a C instead of an A. Case #5: Your Kid Doesn't Make the Cut There will always be someone faster, smarter, better, prettier, more popular. If your child doesn't make the team or the elite squad or whatever, again, failure happens. It is not your kids fault. It is not the coach's fault. It is not your fault. Your kid didn't make it. If they really want to make it, they can keep working on their skills and practicing and try again later. And maybe they won't make it again. Let your kid decide what to do. And let them know it's ALL good. Your kid doesn't have to be the end all be all of Football. Your kid just has to be happy and honestly, how you handle the rejection will help him know how to handle the rejection. I could go on and on and on with many instances of what can happen. I've been through some with my own kids. I've been through all of it as a person. And I am a great person because my parents supported me, but they allowed me to get through life's disappointments with guidance from them, not them controlling everything for me. My mom wrote in my baby book that she wanted her kids to have two things in life: Roots and Wings. Roots to never forget where you came from and Wings so that you can fly on your own. But please, I beg you. Don't bad mouth your child's school, your child's teacher, the district your child goes to, the university, the coach or the team. It is so hard sometimes to be a teacher and to read all the terrible things that people say about those of us in education. We do not do what we do for money or fame. We do it because it is our passion and our calling. We try to be good role models for your kids. To hold them to higher standards and high expectations because life is going to hold them accountable for everything and you are not going to be able to save them from all the tragedy or failure that WILL happen. And it WILL happen. Life is not a fairytale. Bad things happen that are beyond our control and how will your baby handle that if you have always been able to swoop in and save him, berate that "stupid teacher" and stand up for your baby and all of a sudden, you can't swoop in when their marriage fails, or they lose their house, or their child is born and things didn't go like they should or they become a widow at a young age. How will your baby cope? And what would you have taught him? It is so much more than swooping in at school or checking their social media pages. It's more than being a Helicopter or a Snowplow. It is the character and the backbone you are molding for your child. If you know that you are a Helicopter, admit it and start taking the steps to change. Your child will be SO thankful that you did. Blessings.

Allow me to explain.......

I will never live a day without thinking about NAIT. Ever. I will always look at my kids and think about what could have been. There are many reasons for that. The main reason is because the fear and worry you lived with for so long never really goes away. It stays etched in your heart and your brain forever. You never live in a Pollyanna State ever again. Another reason I'll never forget is because I still play a huge role in the NAIT community, whether it's working with naitbabies or giving plasma for ProfNAIT, or just offering support to other NAIT moms. I'm never far removed from our little circle. I see constant reminders of what could have easily happened to my children. I wonder why it didn't. I really was never a tough person until we were struck with NAIT. Some people may say I'm crazy to still think about it, to still question things. But it never goes away. It just doesn't. It makes you harder. And yet, more sensitive, more vulnerable. More protective. A few years ago, my oldest child's behaviors were being questioned. Was he "normal,". I will never be able to explain my reactions to the questions. I look back now and realize I was irrational, but yet I still remember the fear that gripped me. It was like being back in that sterile hospital room in 2007 hearing something was wrong with my baby. My world was shattered in that moment. I had to fight like hell to have another baby and I thought that once we survived that, I could survive anything. But when my child was being questioned again, my hard, tough outer shell I had learned to build crumbled again. And I was that scared mom, crying alone at night while my baby was hooked to tubes far away from me, with no answers, no explanations. I will always be a little like that. A turtle. This hard tough exterior with a squishy inside. Just the right amount of pressure and I will crack and I will be a mess. A NAIT mom last night talked about how she's coming up to her son's first birthday and how painful it is. He bled. He survived, but he's no longer "perfect." It hurts her. She talked about her brave face she wears for her family and friends. She knows she's blessed that he's here and he survived, but it still hurts. She longs for another child, she wants more children in her family and yet she is frozen with fear. I know those feelings. Sometimes I felt like I was dying a little at a time on the inside when I told my kids' stories. And while I'm okay to an extent now, it will never really go away. And I know my kids aren't perfect and that they may be a little quirky or crazy, and I try really hard to not be a helicopter mom and I try not to make them perfect by living vicariously through them. Most mothers are neurotic by nature, but it's worse when things didn't go like they should have. So yeah. Those are my ruminations on my life as a NAIT mom. I'll always point my kids out to you, tell you how cute and smart they are. You'll probably think I believe my kids are so bad ass. And you'd be right. I do! They are my perfect, goofy, quirky little children that should have had different fates. Everyday I feel like I witness a miracle. So try not to judge me or them too hard. I'm never too detached from those scared feelings. The scab is there, but if you pick, I will still bleed.

Fight Like Hell

Very recently, a Dear Friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is in her early 40's, married to a wonderful man, and has four children ranging from the ages of 6 to 18. She is busy, she is a writer, a mom, a teacher, and a dear, dear friend. Everything she does is GOOD. Everything. She and her husband have taken on many things in their lives that others would deem to be just too challenging. My friend has a heart that is so big, so loving. Why her? Why does someone good have to be given such a low blow when she has already had to climb many, many mountains and trudge through very deep valleys? Right now, she's in that point where she's mad as Hell. And who can blame her? A diagnosis of Cancer!! With such a beautiful family!! And the unanswered questions.....what will this do to her? To her family? To their finances? To her precious life? But the mad is good. You have to be mad as Hell in order to FIGHT LIKE HELL!!! If you've ever been given news that threatens life, there is no other way to explain how you feel. It's like the stages of grief. You go through Shock and Denial: NO!! This isn't possible!! NOT ME!! WHY ME?!!!! Then you go through Pain and Guilt: How will this affect my family? Why didn't I do more? Say more? How selfish I was! I didn't appreciate everything enough! Then comes Anger and Bargaining: you're mad as hell........THIS ISN'T FAIR!!! I HATE EVERYTHING!!!! Please, God!! If you take this away, if you make me normal, I promise to.......... Then comes the Lonesliness, the Depression and the Reflection period: nobody gets this. Well maybe they do, but I don't know who has really been through this. Even if they went through this, it's not the same. I feel so alone. I feel so weird. The good news is, after the depression goes away, you start going through the Upward Turn. You feel like maybe you can face this. You start planning and reconstructing your mind and your life. You get your plan in place for treating whatever is threatening the life at stake and you push forward. And then you start to Accept what's been dealt to you. You have Hope. Usually the hope comes through connecting with others who have or are currently going through what you are. And you fight for yourself and you fight for others!! You root for them!! You pray for the ones that are still too angry to pray!!!! And somehow you come through the other side. The other side......it seems so far away when you are stuck in the first few stages. You feel like you will never get there. But when you do, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....what a feeling. It's a neat place to be. For one thing, you beat whatever was plaguing you. And you can be an enormous amount of comfort to someone beginning their journey, whether it's the same as yours or something you can relate to. I truly believe God gives us what we can handle. Doesn't mean we don't get upset with Him for thinking we can handle so much. It's a bit of a backhanded compliment. 'You're strong! Here you go!' But man, when you DO make it through to the flip side, it's pretty empowering. It's pretty amazing. You sit there and think, 'Wow, I did that! I beat that! We beat that!' So right now, Dear Sweet Friend of mine......you're mad as Hell.......that's good......means you're gonna fight like Hell, too....... You're too angry to pray. So I'm there praying for you. I love you. God loves you. And so do many others. We'll ALL keep up the prayer for you.

Moving On

Have you ever had something occur in your life that struck you so hard, you felt like you would never be able to move on from it? Like the event or the memory is just so strong, you can't let it go? I think everyone has times like this in their life, and at some point, you just have to move on. But moving on can be so extremely difficult, sometimes even painful, and even more so, you wonder what you'll do once you let it go!!

There will always be parts of me that want to overthink, overanalyze or worry, whether it is over finances, my relationships, my career, my kids........

......but what good has worrying or perseverating about something ever done for anyone? I find that by letting go of negative energy and thoughts, I am weighed down so much less. Who cares what people think, really? As judgement from others is simply a part of life that none of us can truly escape, therefore worrying about what others think of you or your family is really just silly. Worrying if I am good at my job is just stupid because the overwhelmingly obvious answer is YES, I am great at my job!! My relationships, I have learned over the years, are something that I always have to work at, whether it be to make them stronger, or place boundaries for those that tend to overstep. It's like managing a garden. You have to give some plants more love and care, and others, you need to cut back or they will grow wildly and become very annoying. And as far as my kids, well, kids are kids. I've learned that while they reflect on me, they are not extensions of me. They are their own person. My greatest job for them is to be there to help them grow and mature, aiding them and guiding them when they come to bumps in the road, helping them get over hurdles in life when their personalities or faults are hindering them. They will ultimately be who they are, and I am always excited to remember that not that long ago, the thought of even having more than one child was merely a pipedream.

I guess for my New Year's Resolution, I am all about Moving On. I'm tired of worrying and weighing my brain down with the demands and opinions of others, and even the demands and opinions I hold myself. It's all about freeing yourself up, giving yourself a better outlook and realizing that your truth, your joy and your happiness are YOURS and that you shouldn't hold on to things that are negative that take away from your truth, joy or happiness.

Be Blessed!!

Before the Morning

I listen to KSBJ, our local Christian radio station every day on the way to work and on the way home. It's amazing how I will turn it on and hear a message through the different songs that are played or from the radio show hosts. This morning, this song came on the radio and I was completely blown away, as I am by many of their songs.

This song is by Josh Wilson and is called Before the Morning. I'm going to attach the video from youtube as well and the lyrics so you can read them and feel the message that is being sent.

We all bare so many of our own personal crosses in this life. While some people may appear to have it all going for them and it seems that life just always works out for them, we can't see the pain and suffering they have been or are going through, and we certainly can't predict their pain to come. But we all go through something tough at one time or another. I think what separates the victims from the victors are those who have God in their lives. Those who know that the Lord, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit have their arms wrapped around us and help us through those trials and tribulations. We don't know why we have to go through them, but perhaps it IS indeed to find the light on the other side of that darkness.

The Lord has really worked through some of my close friends and touched me so much recently. I hope that I can continue to grow in my spiritual journey with Him and touch others as well. In His love I fell rejuvinated and whole and I know that no matter what darkness may befall me, my friends or my family. He will continue to see me through it as He has always done. Blessings to all my friends!!

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning



And here is the story behind the song.......BELIEVE!!!!

Josh Wilson’s new single is called “Before The Morning”. It’s a really special song! Here’s what it’s all about…
“Before the Morning” is a song about hope. It’s inspired by my dear friends, Tim and Paula Beal. 5 months into their pregnancy, Tim and Paula went to the doctor to find out if their baby was a boy or a girl. The doctor told them he was a boy, and then he went on to tell them that there were only 2 valves in his heart (instead of 4), and his kidneys and lungs were not functioning. He said that their only option was abortion. Because of the depth of his complications, no doctor would touch Jayken because he could never survive the dialysis machine during heart surgery. The Beals were also told that due to the extent of the problems, they would soon be digging their way into a financial pit that would ruin their marriage.



Tim and Paula went home and prayed. They fasted. They asked everyone they knew to pray and fast with them. They knew they needed to trust in the Lord, because he was the One that “knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13).



On January 11th, 2002, Jayken was born. The doctors said he had a 2% chance of living longer than four days. By the grace of God, Jayken is now seven years old. After three heart surgeries, many sleepless nights, and countless financial struggles, the Beals are still believing a day at a time in a Savior who won’t let them go. They are learning what it means to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).



Tim told me that “the odds have never been in Jayken’s favor, but God is so faithful.” The Beals are living proof that no matter what our circumstances are, God can work anything out for our good and His glory.



This album is entitled “Life Is Not A Snapshot.” If you took a snapshot of a particular moment in the Beal’s life, it might look like there isn’t a lot of hope for them. But sickness and struggles are not the end of the story for those who know Jesus. We believe in a God who saves. We believe in a God who heals. At the end of every email I receive from Tim, he writes “fighting the fight until I see His face.”



We believe in the Bigger Picture.



No matter what you may be struggling with, know that “the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18). Our pain and struggles are very real, but they are only the dark before the morning.



This song is for Jayken David. His name means “Victory through grace for God’s beloved.”

Wonder

The song "Wonder" by Natalie Merchant really struck me after becoming the mother of two NAIT babies. Doctors wondered what was wrong with Jay to have caused him so many problems. Medically, scientifically speaking, he should not be alive today, nor should he be whole. In honor of my son's fourth birthday and the fact that his struggles allowed his brother, Samuel, to fight his way into this world, I give you the song, Wonder. Attached is the link to the video where Natalie explains the origin of the song, and as she says, many mothers and other people have taken this song on as their own, because it means something to me. This song means very much to me, and as I am sure, other NAIT mothers.....those who weren't so blessed to have their babies survive and those who are living with the affects that NAIT has left upon them. Happy 4th Birthday, my sweet Jay. Without you, we wouldn't be who we are today as a family.



"Wonder"

Doctors have come from distant cities
Just to see me
Stand over my bed
Disbelieving what they're seeing

They say I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as they can see they can offer
No explanation

Newspapers ask intimate questions
Want confessions
They reach into my head
To steal the glory of my story

They say I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as they can see they can offer
No explanation

O, I believe
Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way

People see me
I'm a challenge to your balance
I'm over your heads
How I confound you and astound you
To know I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as you can see you can offer me
No explanation

O, I believe
Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as she came to my mother
Know this child will not suffer
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way

The Perfect Lemonade Recipe

I had an epiphany this morning at 4 am when my husband and I were awoken by our dogs barking. I have no clue what made me make this connection, but I felt compelled to share it with my readers and I would have done so at 4 am, except, frankly, that's absurd.

I was thinking about my whole saying, "When God gives you lemons, make lemonade," but what about when the lemons you get aren't perfect? When you think of making homemade lemonade, you picture beautiful, yellow lemons full of juice, perfect for a hot, summer day. But what if your lemons are small, bruised, not very juicy and a little hard? What do you do then?

No matter what, in our life, we can't always have perfect lemons for our lemonade. At the times that our lemons are perfect, it takes very little effort to make good lemonade. We take those lemons for granted. We don't think about the time in making the lemonade, because our ingredients made it so easy. We don't have to add much sugar or water or mix it for very long, because the lemons were awesome.

But with less than perfect lemons, it's harder to get perfect lemonade. You have to really squeeze the lemons to get out all of their juicy potential, then you have to add a lot of sugary love to your lemon juice. Next you have to pour in a lot of water, which represents your time, and you really have to stir it up, which represents your energy and patience. You may feel extremely exhausted when you are finished making the lemonade from your less than perfect lemons, but when you taste it, you realize that all of your love, time, patience and energy were worth it, because it's the best lemonade you ever made. You also realize it was never about the lemons or the end product, it was about the journey and the process of making it that you remember, and that is what really helps you appreciate just how perfect your imperfect lemons really were. You just didn't see it at the time.

My epiphany made me realize that to some, my lemons may have always seemed perfect, but they never really were. I just had to work extra hard with them. I've had to realize that, too. Nothing is ever truly perfect. A lot of times, we just have to keep working with what we have and we have to roll with it. Hope this helps you, too.

Happy Mother's Day!

I sometimes sit and wonder how exactly I was blessed to have the two healthy children I have. Before I had kids, I just expected that having children would be easy for me. From what I could tell, you got married, tried, got pregnant and nine months later, had a healthy baby. My biggest fear before having children was, "What if I can't get pregnant?" Then, when I saw those two pink lines on the stick, the new fears entered, "What if I have a miscarriage?" After those weeks ticked by, another fear, "What if they see something is wrong with my baby?" When those tests all came back normal, I felt like I could just cruise through the rest of my pregnancy. The only fears I really had were, "What if I have to have a c-section?" and "What if I can't breastfeed?" The thought of, "What if my baby dies?" never entered my mind.

Well, for the record, I didn't breastfeed either one of my children for more than a couple of weeks and secondly, I had a c-section with both of them. And both of their lives hung precariously in the balance; with Jay, I was clueless, and with Samuel, I was acutely aware.

On the eve of Mother's Day, I remember all the mothers, some who are personal friends of mine, whose babies were taken too soon. These women are some of the strongest and most loving, nurturing people I've ever known. Their role as a mother is far tougher than mine, for they are mothers to angels. Even though I have much joy and love in my heart for the babies that I was blessed to carry and am blessed to love each day, my heart is also heavy for my friends that have lost their precious ones. So to all of my mommy friends who love their babies up in Heaven, I love you all and I send many hugs and blessings to you on your special day and I know that your little angels are so glad that God made you their mommy. Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers out there!! Hug your little ones extra hard today!!

Happy Birthday to Samuel!!

Samuel just turned one last Saturday, April 23rd!! He also had his Baptism on Easter Sunday. We decided to do a tri-fecta: First Birthday, Easter and Holy Baptism all rolled into one!! Samuel didn't really care to hang out at his birthday party!! He slept pretty much the whole time!! He's a busy guy - trying to figure out how to walk. He likes to just cruise, but he can stand up by himself!! No steps forward, yet, though. He's a scaredy cat like Jay was!!

I can't believe an entire year has gone by. It made me think - you never know what a year will bring, but then again, you never know what a day could bring.

Recently, a fellow classmate was killed in Afghanistan. He was only 35. I was cuddling with Jay and saying prayers and just smelling his sweet little boy smell, I started thinking, "If God told me I only had 32 more years with you, what would I do?"

I find that my struggles as a mother are that I feel like I don't have enough time or enough patience to just enjoy my kids and enjoy the moments that are so sweet. I can hardly remember everything that happened this past year because I was so busy, taking care of Samuel, teaching and doing course work for school.

This year, I'm making a new resolution: I'm going to stop and enjoy my kids and enjoy those quiet moments. When Samuel celebrates his second birthday, I want to know that I really cherished those days and weeks with both him and Jay. I vow to take more pictures, capture more cute Samuel-isms and Jay-isms on video, because these sweet days are just passing us by!! Jay will be starting pre-school in the Fall and then will be in Kindergarten!! Where did my sweet, chunky baby go?

I think it's natural that we wish our lives away: only this many days till Christmas, this many days till Spring Break, this many days till Summer. I'm going to try not wish my life away......

NAIT - Neonatal Alloimmune Thrombocytopenia

The video that I have worked on since I found out I was pregnant with Samuel, and yes, he is in there, too!! Please watch this, post it on your Facebook, your Twitter, WHATEVER!! Please help us spread the word!! WE MUST STOP NAIT!!!!!

This Time A Year Ago.....

This time a year ago, I had gone to the doctor with Jeff to find out what the sex of our baby was and whether he was healthy thus far.

This time a year ago, I found out that I would be the mother of another beautiful boy.

This time a year ago, I saw a beautifully shaped little guy with very healthy insides. This time a year ago, I faced the unknown of twice weekly treatments, scary steroids and the fear that none of it would work.

This time a year ago, I ordered stockings for "Mommy" and "Daddy" to join our stocking we had for "Jay." This time a year ago, I longed for that fourth stocking that would read "Samuel."

And how quickly the year has passed.

So much has happened since this time a year ago.

My body has completely healed from the brutal Hell of treatments. I really am in the best shape of my life (a vow I made to myself after what all I put myself through.)

Jay is such an amazing child, talking in complex and crazy sentences, trying to read already!

Samuel is a beautiful, 8 month old little wonder, busy trying to crawl, laughing at everything and the absolute joy of my life.

And my mantle is complete with that fourth stocking, that reads "Samuel."

I don't know what next year will bring, but what I do know, is that I have all my boys home for Christmas. What a blessing a year can be!!

Driving...By Yourself.....with Two Kids.....from South Texas.....

So changing my melancholy reflections to funnier thoughts.....

Last week, after everyone left our house on Thanksgiving, Jeff and I loaded up our boys and drove down to South Texas to his aunt and uncle's ranch. When we left our house, it was a balmy eighty degrees. After the four hour drive, it was a windy, chilly low fourty-something degrees and drizzling!!

Everyone was at the ranch for deer hunting and hanging out. It turns out that small children don't do very well in the cold and with lots of people. By the following afternoon, Samuel was very cranky and acting like he was getting sick (he just got over an Upper Respiratory Infection the week before.) So I told Jeff he could catch a ride back with his mom and dad the next day, but that I had two capable hands, the Thomas the Train and Friends DVD, a Navigation system and carseats, so we were going to roll. That was at 2:45, when it was very sunny and seemed like a good idea.

Within an hour of driving, my back was aching and Thomas was rolling for the second time. It started to not feel like such a good idea!! I had to pee within only twenty minutes of leaving, Jay was in his regular underwear, but I was determined we were NOT going to stop unless Jay couldn't stand it anymore. My bladder aint what she used to be, especially after an appendectomy and two c-sections, but I can be extremely bull-headed.

We had been on the road for about two hours when Jay finally told me he needed to pee. I had two choices: just pull over on the side of 77 and let him do his business (we were in the middle of nowhere), or try to get to a town and go in a gas station or something like that. I chose just to pull over and let him go in the grass. The way I saw it, I was by myself with two kids that weigh over 20 lbs a piece and no stroller, and again - BY MYSELF. After Jay did his business, I got him buckled back in. Samuel was still smiling and happy. I looked at him with such pity and said, "Oh Buddy, you're happy now. You'll hate me in about an hour."

By the time we made it to Halletsville, it was getting dark. We'd been on the road for roughly three hours. I still had to pee like no man's business, but at that point, my bladder was so full, I was pretty much numb to all feeling, my blood pressure was at the boiling point and I was racing against the sun. Samuel started his first of about five meltdowns.

He had a bottle before we had left the ranch and had been changed right before we left, but at that point, who KNEW what had began to brew in his pants and the poor kid was probably hungry. Thomas was on about his fifth round of being on the DVD player - seriously, best damn invention for a parent's car. Yeah, yeah - to all of you that aren't parents yet - I said it, too. "I'll NEVER let my kids watch TV in the car." Famous last words. Never say never, okay? Oh, and after you have one kid, you realize a little TV, sugar, chicken nuggets, McDonald's, etc. WON'T kill them. Hell, we all turned out okay. But then again, that's not saying much.

Anyhow, the navigation system had me staying on 77 pretty much the entire trip. So when I got to Schulenburg, i made the executive decision to get on I-10 and start busting it out to get us HOME!! I was beginning to feel delirious. George Carlin is the narrator for Thomas and Friends and I was VERY over listening to him narrate about how Thomas was stuck, and he was ANGRY. George Carlin is much better as Rufus in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Samuel was on about Meltdown #10 when I unlocked the gate. Our neighbors, Tony and Nancy, were at my house, feeding my dogs and checking on things when we drove up. Jay never had a meltdown....until we got home. Thankfully, T-Man and Nancy helped me get the boys inside. Poor Samuel had the biggest poop in his pants, but when he realized that I wasn't the meanest woman in the world and had simply been driving him back home to his cozy, warm house, he looked at me like, 'Okay, Mom. If you just get this huge mess out of my pants, give me some food, draw me a nice hot bath and put me in my bed; you and me are square.'

Driving by yourself for a long distance with multiple children is definitely not fun. I wouldn't recommend it as a recreational activity. However, as I go through my days of parenting young children, I realize I am pretty tough, I can handle a lot, and that which does not kill us only makes us stronger. Suffice it to say, both boys slept in (very atypical,) and I was oh so happy to sleep in my nice, warm bed after a hot shower as well. AND I refuse to watch Thomas and Friends for a good while, at the very least.

A Curse....or a Blessing in Disguise?

As women, we have all had that moment in our lives, probably back in our single or newly married days, when children were mearly a glimmer in our eye,just a thought, a hope and a future dream. You are sitting in a bar or a nightclub with your girlfriends or your significant other when you spot it.......that very obviously pregnant woman, chain-smoking cigarettes and guzzling a beer. And even though you may be nowhere close to being a mother yet, the thought goes through your head, 'What in the HELL is that woman thinking?'

Yes, those women. The ones that don't even realize the fragility of the life that they carry inside of them. The ones that even though their babies "may" be born "healthy" upon appearance, may grow up to have all sorts of issues simply because they couldn't abstain for nine measly months while they participated in one of God's most miraculous events. Wow.

My husband and I were engaged and we were at a local festival with his family, including his sister and her daughter, who, at the time, was about three months old. My sister-in-law was an avid breastfeeder, she was carrying the baby in a sling, and just being a wonderful mother.

We then saw a baby that was roughly the same age, haphazardly laying in a dingy, little umbrella stroller, with no neck control at all, the poor baby looked like a rag doll. My husband said, "Oh my gosh!! Look at that baby!! He can't be older than two months!! Won't that damage the poor kid?" A passerby heard us commenting on the baby, and not missing a beat, said, "Nah....Don't you know? Those kinds of babies bounce?" It was hysterical!! But sadly, it was true. It seems that babies are definitely given to different mothers, and those poor little ones have to pretty tough and tenacious to get through every day.

Those poor babies whose mothers don't care one lick about what they do to them, whether in the womb or out of the womb, don't realize the blessings they have in their possesion, and just how lucky they are to be able to reproduce so easily.

So that brings me to us.......yes, all of us mothers who are in some way, shape or form high risk. Those of us that struggle to have our families. Whether you struggle with infertility, multiple miscarriages, blood disorders, or whatever has been thrown at you, we are in that high risk category. And it sucks. Or does it?

I mean, yes, obviously, it does. And none of us would wish any of our problems on our worst enemy because we know how awful whatever our diagnosis is to deal with when so many women have it so easy.

However, if we look at it as a mixed blessing, we realize that while our high risk diagnosis does indeed stink, we are so fortunate to look at our kids and realize that they are little miracles and the fact that we are able to get them here whole and healthy is such a blessing. And even though, as mothers, we have moments when we want to pull our hair out with worry, at least we know that we have something precious to worry about.

And THAT is definitely NOT a curse at all.

So many blessings to be thankful for....

I've been thinking all day about what all I am thankful for and how much life can change in the course of one year.

A year ago, on Thanksgiving, I was just over 16 weeks pregnant with Samuel, but of course, I didn't even know if I was having a boy or a girl. Was it a Samuel or an Eleanore? (That was our name for a little girl, by the way.)

And now I am the mother of two amazing little boys and wife to an amazing guy. What blessings!!

This year, we donated money to the Star of Hope in Houston. We got our receipt in the mail along with a pamphlet about the missions we are supporting. I cried like a baby when I read all the stories and saw different pictures. Like I was pregnant or something!!

This time of year brings out the sentimental part of me (Yes, I am very emotional, like you can't tell from my posts.) But this time REALLY does more than other times, I guess because of the types of kids that I teach and the stuff I see on a day to day basis. It makes me realize that I am simply blessed because of good choices and fate, I suppose.

Anyways, I'm rambling on and on, but really. I am just so dang thankful that I have all that I have, and I remember, daily, as I am rocking Samuel or snuggling with Jay or locking the doors of our wonderful home that life could always be very different and that we can't take our blessings for granted.

I hope everyone that reads this is also celebrating a happy Thanksgiving and feels as blessed and fulfilled as myself. Peace and love to you all!!!!

Turn out the lights.....the party's over!

So Jeff and I have made it official that we are done having children as of today.

And it's a very bittersweet closing on a chapter in our lives.

But also a very necessary one.

Don't get me wrong, even if we "could" continue having children, which, yes, technically we could, but we all know that it is not medically advised, but if we were able to have children safely, we probably would still be finished having children. Two was always our magic number, regardless of what we had. Two is a great number. You are always busy, but not to the point of total madness, you have two hands to hold two little hands, two parents to man the children when things get chaotic, etc.

But I guess what's so hard is that it is all very final and done. It's just another part of my life that is "done." There's no more quick trips to the pharmacy to pick up a test or that total excitement when the test comes up positive. There's no more baby registries or dreaming of nurseries or thinking up baby names.

Remember when you were in junior high and high school and you would sit at your best friend's house and talk about baby names and who you wanted to marry when you grew up and what you wanted to be? All that has happened for me and now that part is over. It's just really sad, like saying goodbye to an old friend that will never return.

But in another way, it is very liberating. Now we can focus on raising our sons, looking forward to all the fun things we will do as a family: vacations to snow ski, the boys playing Little League Baseball, their first day of school, their first dance, their first girlfriend, etc.

One chapter of my life has ended while another is just beginning, and that part is exciting!! But sometimes you wish you could just savor that last part of the book a little longer. But unfortunately, in life, unlike a book, we can't turn back the pages....we just have to keep moving along to find out what happens next.

Three months old!!

I've been away from work for four months now and Samuel is a little over three months old!! Jay will be three years old on the 15th of this month!! Man, how the time flies!!

Samuel is doing great, sleeping through the night since he was seven weeks and starting to teethe already!! Jay is as smart as ever. He can play the C scale on the Piano, knows that an Octagon has 8 sides and can say the Lord's Prayer in Spanish!! Such a smart guy!!

I'm going back to work at the end of next week. I'm ready. Stay at home moms are very brave individuals and I cannot stand people who tisk tisk at them because I can assure you that staying at home is a much harder job than anything I've ever done. I, personally, am a much better mother because I go to work. So, to all you stay at home mommies, BRAVO and KUDOS!! You deserve it!!

I'm feeling good about getting back to work because for the past three years, since I gave birth to Jay, all I worried about was making my family complete and wondering what had happened to make Jay so sick. Then once we knew what had happened, all I worried about was rather or not we would get pregnant again. Then once I got pregnant, all I did was worry about whether or not the baby would make it through the pregnancy. Now I feel like I don't have to worry anymore, I can finally just focus on enjoying my family and enjoying being a teacher again.

This school year will be tough, as far as leaving the boys, whom I've grown so attached to and enjoyed watching them grow and develop, and also, some of the students heading into my classroom are tough and will be hard to teach because of different issues, but it will be rewarding, as all teachers know. Teaching is so rewarding. Being a mom is so rewarding.

I have the best life ever. I really, really do.

And honestly, not having to worry every day of my life like I have in the past, that is just so nice. That sick feeling in the pit of my stomach is gone. Finally.

Did you ever wonder?

I saw this today on one of my NAIT friend's facebook page. It's about the mothers of preemies. For me, I just edited it, and put NAIT in for preemie. Most NAIT moms are also moms to preemies. I was blessed that my little Samuel was only preemie by three weeks, but many of us have babies much earlier. This made me tear up, especially about the part of taking nothing for granted....nothing. Enjoy! And if you know a mom of a preemie or a special needs child, give her a hug......

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?
Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.

As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
... See More
"Beth Armstrong, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.

Marjorie Forrest, daughter.Patron Saint, Celia.

Carrie Rutledge, twins. Patron Saint ... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity.

"Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie.

"The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God.

"Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it.

I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother.

You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own.

She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that.
This one is perfect.She has just the right amount of selfishness.

"The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive.
Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.

She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.

She will never take for granted a spoken word.

She will never consider a step ordinary.

When her child says 'mama' for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.

I will permit her to see clearly the things I see ignorance, cruelty, prejudice and allow her to rise above them.

She will never be alone.

I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Oh, and a little update on Samuel and Jay!!

I guess I should tell everyone a little bit about the little boys I'm raising!! They are so awesome and I just love them to pieces!! Jay is doing great. He's really working hard at potty training and we are doing well with everything #1, but still having a tough time with numero dos. Poor baby.

He is also super excited because daddy bought him a new bunk bed!! It has a full size bed on the bottom and a twin on top!! We are redecorating his room, because a lot of his stuff was pretty hodge-podge. It's going to be like an old fish camp. Jay LOVES fishing and always wants Jeff to take him to the lake. So it should be a big hit!!

Samuel is awesome. He turned ten weeks yesterday and at the pediatrician, he weighed 12 lbs 7 oz!! A big guy, though not as big as Jay was at that age (14 lbs 7 oz!!) What can I say? My boys can eat!! Samuel is also a great sleeper. He sleeps through the night already (started that at 7 weeks). He will sometimes still wake up for a bottle, usually around 3:30 or 4:00, drink it and then back down until 8 or 9 o' clock. But latelet, it's been all night, like from 8 until 7 am. We definitely can't complain about sleep in this house.

He is also smiling a lot and loves to coo at his daddy and Nanny's daughters, Jenny and Brittney. I don't know what is up with my boys and Nanny's girls, but both of my boys are just in love with them!! (Jenny is 17 and Brittney is 20!)

Jay just adores his brother. He will talk to him in the morning while I am changing Sam's diaper and say, "Hey buddy!! Whatcha doing? Did you have a good sleep? You're my baby brother!!" It's the most precious thing in the world to see how much he loves him. I hope that they grow up being good friends and really being close.

I honestly can say that my boys are my universe, Jeff included. :)

Has it really been ten weeks?

How is it that ten weeks with a newborn pass so much quicker than ten weeks of IVIG treatments? Maybe because during the IVIG, you are getting poked relentlessly with IV needles? Seriously. I will never do that again!! Well, never say never, but on July 30th, we are making the move to permanently addressing our future fertility. Hmmmm....how do I feel about that?

People still tell us we should go for a girl, granted, these are generally people that really don't know us that well and still equate our experience with something like Rh factor. Gee, if only a couple of shots could've made things better....and actually kept his counts high. I digress.

I'm really okay with not having anymore children. Today, at my best friend's daughter's first birthday party, her cousin's wife said to me, "Oh, you had another boy." And I lovingly looked down at my little Samuel and said, "Oh, yes, another little boy," and she said, "Oh, well, that's okay," and my best friend jumped in and said, "Sarah WANTED another boy,"......thanks, Amanda, by the way.....

Truth be told, I didn't give a sh** WHAT I had, as long as the baby was healthy and didn't have a bleed, I just wanted a BABY. A CHILD. It didn't matter to me what the baby looked like or anything, just a healthy baby.

When we were contemplating even having another child, I felt such a sense of guilt and like I was being so selfish....pushing my luck, asking the Lord for something wonderful when I already had one miracle, I already had a "something wonderful," how dare I ask Him for just one more? When mothers come to our support group looking for answers after they've lost their child to a massive brain bleed, I find myself moved to tears at how lucky and blessed I am. I don't take my children for granted, ever. I would lie if I said that I didn't get frustrated when one refuses to go down to sleep or the other is whining so loud, it sounds like a siren that just won't shut up!! But I'm only human!! These things can drive anyone to drink!! But I don't take them for granted, because I know how close we came to walking away with nothing.

So, no. I'm not sad that we are making our fertility history. It's fine. We are a complete family. The moment I heard Samuel crying, I knew I was okay with calling it quits. The Lord may not have given me any girls to care for personally, but He gave me five beautiful nieces to love as well as my two little princes. God is good. All the time.

I know that every little life is a miracle. But when you've mentally and physically pushed yourself to the edge, there's just something a little different about that little miracle. Damn. You just cherish it all the more.

Happy One Month Birthday, Samuel!!

I can't believe I've been the mother of two for a month now!! It's been great so far!!

Samuel is a very sweet baby and still does a lot of sleeping (knock on wood!!). Of course, he's staying awake for longer stretches and can be very alert (sometimes at 4 am), but he has a mellow disposition and doesn't get too upset unless he's really hungry, really wet/dirty or really tired. Usually, when those needs are met, he's cool!!

Because he's such a mellow baby, generally there is only the need of one parent to get the job done, and mainly that's me. However, I DO have another child, Jay, and he is usually found glued to his daddy during the daylight hours!! Thank God I have a wonderful husband that even after a long day at work is still a very hands on father.

That has been the biggest adjustment for life with two. When it's just one child, you can swap off different child chores or take turns sleeping in on the weekends. That all ends with two!! Basically, I get up for all the night feedings during the week and Jeff relieves me on the weekends and even lets me sleep in......and makes breakfast!! Yes, I am married to a beautiful and wonderful man.

I know that as both my boys get older, it will get easier, but at the sane time, there is another side to that....it means they are getting older. They are no longer babies and they won't need their ol' mom all the time. So while I begrudge and curse the 3:30 feedings that turn into two hour "who can keep their eyes wide open the longest" contests that Samuel and I have, I also relish in them, because I know they are fleeting moments I will never get back.

Happy One Month Birthday, Samuel. Don't go growing up too fast on me now!!