30 Weeks and Counting....So How Does It Feel?

So, the last trimester. Most mothers-to-be feel a sense of relief that the end is near. They feel pretty sure that everything is going to be fine. How does it feel when you have an NAIT baby? Terrifying. I wish I could feel the way most mothers do, but I can't. Every morning, I wake up and feel for Samuel and wait for him to kick me so that I know he's alive and okay. Every movement, every flutter, I am reassured.

I start Prednisone in two more weeks. Yet another way to try to suppress my immune system. It's so weird. I want nothing more than my baby to be healthy and whole, yet my body views him as an enemy and is trying to hurt him. To kill him. It's just so stupidly unfair that your body can do something so terrible!!

Don't get me wrong though. I know that I am so blessed and so lucky to be able to have modern medicine to be able to even experience having another child. I know that even when things feel terrible, life could always be worse. So I DO count my blessings.

I think what really sucks is how alone you feel when you have a condition that is so rare. If I didn't have my girls on the support board at Yahoo, I don't think I wouldve had the courage to pursue another baby. But in day to day life, it is very lonesome. Nobody really understands any if it, and how could they?

I had the experience of meeting another mother in real life who is also in her second NAIT pregnancy. She's being treated by Dr. Moise as well!! It was very refreshing to meet someone who knows exactly what you're going through. Our doctor says this is one of the most devastating diseases. It's nice to know I'm not the only one walking around under that kind of stress.

But it does suck. And the seven weeks until delivery seem interminable and I pray that we make it that much longer.....that my luck doesn't run out. Every day is a test of my faith and every day the Lord keeps us safe. So for all you mommies out there, hug your babies tight. Know that your kids are such blessings and such miracles. Never take them for granted. I look at my Jay and know that things couldve been very different and I pray that Samuel can continue to fight and stay strong. Love your babies. They are so, so precious.